Cemetery in Mansfield accused of 'bullying families trying to honour the dead'

It follows an order given to three brothers to remove an improved grave surround where the ashes of their mother are interred.

The deadline for the removal is next Monday (July 4), which is a day after what would have been her 85th birthday.

"It is so disappointing when you are trying to do something nice in your parents’ memory,” said one of the brothers, John Thompson, 40, who lives in Langwith.

"We feel our surround breaks no rules and enhances the visual attraction of the grave.

"Yet we have no choice in the matter, and it will be removed by force. No questions asked.

"To have this happen is totally unacceptable. But on the day after our mother’s 85th birthday is the biggest insult and heartbreak of all.

"We are seeking professional advice, but we want to highlight the bullying tactics being used on people who are grieving and trying to honour the dead.”

John and his older brothers, Vernon, who lives in Mansfield Woodhouse, and Mark, who lives in Doncaster, leased the burial plot within the cremated remains space at Mansfield Cemetery in 2006 after the death from pancreatic cancer of their father, Edwin, 70.

It became a joint plot when their mother, Hazel, died at the age of 76 from pneumonia in 2014. Both parents had been cremated at the nearby Mansfield Crematorium.

The brothers have faithfully cared for the grave, with the only problem arising when the cemetery had an infestation of moles. But they have noticed, in recent years, that the surround has been reduced to “a bare patch of soil, full of weeds and neglected by the crematorium’s groundstaff”.

"So we decided to build this new surround to make the grave look respected,” explained John, a vehicle valeter.

"It is a uPVC surround to hold resin-based gravel, making the area look more attractive. It is zero maintenance and doesn’t cause any harm to visitors or staff.”

However, the cemetery says the surround is against its rules and that any personalised additions to a plot must be restricted to the headstone only or its plinth.

The Nottingham Road cemetery is administered by Mansfield District Council. A letter to John from the council, on behalf of the registrar of cemeteries, explains its position.

It states: “The right of burial was purchased for a grave in the cremated remains section of the cemetery and you agreed, at the time of the interment, that the regulations would be observed.

"The rules stipulate that nothing must extend into the lawned area in front of the headstone or at the side because this prevents the staff from keeping the graves looking neat and tidy, and creates a hazard to others visiting.

"Whilst we appreciate that families may wish to personalise their grave space, we have to ensure that the cemetery is a safe place for all.

"I must therefore request that you remove the infringements on the grave….otherwise staff will be requested to carry out this work.

"I apologise if this request causes distress, but the regulations, which are upheld by most grave leaseholders, are there for the safety of all visitors and staff.”