SEEING RED: Why noisy eaters should button it


I am sitting at my desk writing this column while crunching on carrot sticks.

It’s all part of my much-publicised drive to eat more healthily in 2018 and beyond.

But for me, eating carrot sticks can be problematic - especially if you’re in a quiet office environment and don’t want to make too much noise.

The reason for my paranoia is Mrs B.

Whenever I eat at home I’m accused of making a right old racket - although I’d like to think that’s more to do with her sensitive hearing than my eating habits.

In fact, I’m no worse than your average person in all honesty.

But there are people who are really noisy eaters and annoying with it, especially those who believe it is perfectly acceptable to sit eating a bag of crisps at excruciating decibel levels - be it in the office, on public transport or in the cinema.

Only recently I was on a train packed with commuters listening to music on my iPod - earphones in, I must add - but could still hear a chap four rows away munching on his Quavers. Disgusting, and if it sent me into a near-violent rage one can only imagine what the passengers sitting close to him must have felt. How he got off the train alive is a mystery.

Yes, he was so bad I thought someone would have throttled him before he reached his journey’s end.

But being annoyed by other people’s noisy habits is, apparently, not solely due to grumpiness.

For folk who are left seeing red by people who munch loudly may suffer from a condition called misophonia - which leaves some with a hatred of sounds such as eating, chewing or repeated pen clicking, another pet hate of the other half by the way.

That maybe, but it still doesn’t excuse those who see fit to make more noise than a herd of elephants when they eat.

Come on guys, it’s not that hard to keep the noise down - surely?

- I had never heard of the Presidents Club until last week - and hopefully I won’t again after the reported goings-on at the men-only fundraiser in London recently.

The allegations which have dominated Fleet Street newsrooms and TV and radio channels appear to have taken us back to a time when some men’s attitudes towards women were different to what they are today.

Absolutely shameful.

But one thing I found utterly bizarre in the wake of the Financial Times exposé was the huge number of men who admitted being there but confessed to leaving early and hadn’t seen any of the shenanigans taking place.

Who’d have thought it?

I didn’t realise the traffic was so bad at that time of night in central London.

- One thing more annoying than the weather we’ve recently had is people forever moaning about it.

My diary is telling me it’s February, folks.

I hate to break it to you, but the weather tends to be pretty rubbish at this time of year.