SEEING RED: Why do people park next to you in an empty car park when there's dozens of spaces?

There are too many clowns on the planet for Ashley Bookers liking.
There are too many clowns on the planet for Ashley Bookers liking.

A few weeks ago I revealed that I had been test driving several cars because I was bored with my latest runaround.

Well, myself and Mrs B opted for a new motor complete with the latest mod-cons that wouldn’t look out of place in a James Bond movie.

I even have an app synced to it which tells me everything bar how many hot dinners I have had this year.

Amazingly, the car is also a magnet.

Yes, a magnet for every idiot on the planet.

It may have the latest gadgets but what it doesn’t have is a sensor to tell me about the prats that inhabit this planet.

Prats who somehow think it’s a good idea to park right next to me when I am parked in an empty car park.

It’s probably happened to you.

You park in a car park where there are plenty of empty spaces but some dimwit feels the need to park right, bang next to you.

And I mean right next to you - sometimes so close they actually open their door into your car!

I honestly don’t know how the human brain works at times and it would be interesting to know why some feel it perfectly acceptable to ignore all the empty spaces to park next to the only vehicle in a car park.

Perhaps they’re lonely and want the company of another car next to them?

No wonder some folk park deliberately across two parking spaces to avoid some clown opening their door into their precious motor.

I’m not one to condone such actions, but I am seriously tempted based on my experiences in the past couple of weeks. For driving around in a new car takes me back to the days when I was learning to drive.

Back then - 1992 to be precise - I used to be a nervous wreck every time my weekly driving lesson came round. I can still remember my stomach churning when my driving instructor pulled up outside our house. Those one-hour sessions were horrible as cars from all directions came at me - and that’s just how I feel every time I buy a new car.

Since driving away from the car showroom in our new runaround, it’s felt like I’ve been playing one big game of dodgems - albeit in an expensive piece of metal instead of some rust bucket on a pier at Blackpool.

And if it’s not dozy parkers who want to get intimate with me, it’s tailgaters who like the look of our new toy - and even pedestrians!

Yes, all of a sudden every Tom, Dick and Harry on our pavements feels the need to step out in front of me now to play a game of chicken.

So, while our car has everything you can think of, there are times when I wonder if buying a new one is really worth it!

- The weekend just gone was a dream for all those Englishmen and women who pretend to be Welsh and Irish.

Yes, it’s that weekend in March when folk with no links to the two Celtic countries support Wales at rugby and make such a big deal about St Patrick’s Day. Weird isn’t it?