'I'm more than my cancer,' writes Chad reporter following devastating diagnosis

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Midnight ramblings is a poem by Chad reporter Katrina Taylor.

She has now penned a poem about her condition...

Don’t forget ME

Katrina Taylor.Katrina Taylor.
Katrina Taylor.

I’m more than my cancer. I’m not just a file of scans and test results with an NHS number attached.

I have feelings.

Huge feelings

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Feelings which are scarier and bigger than any before in my life.

But; I’m more than my cancer, so please don’t forget Me

I’m still a gossip, I’m still nosey and I still want to help people where possible.

I’m still a friend, a mum, a part of the community.

I want to hear your problems – who cares if they’re tiny compared to mine??

I need to hear them to feel normal.

I’ve been asked what I “used to be”

That’s not cool, and makes me feel infinitely worse. I’m not the past tense yet!

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I shouldn’t be the topic of conversation where I’m not present – hearing my name and discussing my case without entering the room just increases the anxiety you can see from your piece of paper that I have.

I’m still more than my cancer, so please don’t forget ME

I feel vulnerable and out of control, like I’m hurtling towards an unknown destination

there I don’t want to go

My body is slowly failing me, meaning cancelled plans and fleeting.visitors.

But please don’t stop inviting me.

I’m more than my cancer, so please don’t forget ME

My gorgeous boys’ faces are too painful to look at.

I haven’t had enough time with them, I hope they don’t forget how much I love them and only remember the illness and mummy being snappy and tired

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I hope they forget angry whispered voices and just remember kisses and cuddles

I’m still more than my cancer, so please don’t forget ME

I’m terrified of the unknown, terrified that I’m hurtling out of control

My emotions are like the world’s worst roĺlercoaster – one day I feel okay. the next is full of angst and feeling like my life is already over.

I never know which version I’ll wake up to.

But I need to know you’ll remember me as I was, not what the cancer is turning me into

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I know how hard I am to be around, but I’m more than my cancer, so please don’t forget ME

Remember silly Kat, helpful Kat, the one who

can always be relied upon to give great advice but do the opposite herself.

Remember 12am Kat in Cheekys who bought all the shots and thought she was the best dancer in the room.

Remember the know-it-all k*** head – who was a decent person deep down – that’s still me.

I’m more than my cancer, so please don’t forget ME.

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