Sutton TV man on why back to school is daunting enough without all the new Covid rules on top

I know the schools have gone back because I have seen buses that say, ‘School Bus’ on them, and a new phenomenon of some buses that say, ‘No School Children’ in the window.

It’s the kind of segregation I have always dreamed of.

It’s nice to know I can get on a bus without fear of meeting a large group of young ones playing a Cardi B out of their phones.

It’s daunting enough to start a new school year – I remember my day at Sutton Centre.

We were all taken into the sports hall and separated into groups.

The more I think about it, the more it feels like something from The Hunger Games.

They were probably hoping for something more like Harry Potter but things were different back then.

I can only imagine what it must be like for the latest cohort entering the next stage of their education during this strange time.

I worried about making friends.

It must be even harder when you have to wear a face mask.

It’s hard to bond with someone when you can’t see their face.

It’s hard to see if they like you if you can’t see them smile.

And if you do make a friend you may never recognise them again because you only saw their eyes.

We used to worry about bullies.

Right now in school the pupils have to worry about catching a virus.

My father would say, ‘stand up for yourself and fight back, never start a fight but be ready to finish one’.

That advice isn’t going to help you fight off a virus.

In fact, getting your fists involved in anything will only mean you need more hand sanitiser.

We worried about looking fashionable but we didn’t have mask fashion to worry about.

I have found a very comfortable mask, which my other half tells me looks like a reinforced gusset.

If you wear something like that in school you’d never live it down.

Children can be cruel and so can a fiancée, as I have found out.

I try to ignore her comments and point out that my mask is comfortable and breathable but she points out, ‘so are gussets’.

Best of luck to you if you’re at school.

The only advice I can give is to try your best, to work hard, and be nice to your teacher.

They might be the ones guessing your exam grades in the future.

Steve N Allen is comedian and broadcaster who was raised in Sutton-in-Ashfield. He stars in The Mash Report on BBC2.