Sutton funnyman fears Strictly behind closed doors might see dancing take a back seat

I had thought that the lockdown would cause a reduction in the number of extramarital affairs.

I’m not doctor but if you can’t get within two metres of someone it’s a lot harder to break your wedding vows with them.

I am, yet again, probably wrong – it’s becoming a worrying trend.

The TV show Strictly Come Dancing has come up with a plan to go ahead despite the lockdown.

We did the same on The Mash Report that’s currently on TV and which we film from our own homes.

It’s strange to perform the show without a live audience but I couldn’t fit 400 people in my flat, so it’s for the best.

It means I don’t know what happens in the rest of the show until I watch it being broadcast on a Friday night.

Last week, after the main show at 10pm, BBC Two scheduled a repeat of an episode from last year.

How cruel of them to make it so easy to work out how much weight I have gained in lockdown.

Strictly Come Dancing will go ahead without a live audience too but they can’t film in their homes.

The rumour is they plan to isolate the professional dancers with their celebrity partners for months.

It’s like they’re trying to make them have affairs.

This is a TV show that has probably ended more relationships than The Jerry Kyle Show ever did.

It was famous for the ‘Strictly curse’ when the couples only saw each other at work.

When you think about it, a TV show where the vain people who go on TV – and yes, I realise that includes me – are put with stunningly fit dancers and given the task of writhing around together for weeks, it’s not a shock that some of them develop lustful feelings for each other.

It is a shock that the producers think the best move is to stop the celebs seeing their spouses while they’re doing it.

There’ll be more nookie than you get in a series of Love Island.

Will this ruin our viewing pleasure? Probably not.

I tune in for the gossip as much as the dancing.

I’m sure it will still be a great series of Strictly but it’s next year I worry about.

All the dancers will be off on maternity leave.

Steve N Allen is a comedian and broadcaster who was raised in Sutton-in-Ashfield.