Steve N Allen Column: We don’t need approval about our bodies from these campaigns

Is anyone else tired of being patronised by adverts? For years we’ve had the Dove ads that boast about their use of real women with different body shapes, says Notts-raised comedian and writer Steve N Allen.

Steve N Allen, Notts-raised comedian and writer.
Steve N Allen, Notts-raised comedian and writer.

Do they want a medal? You’re an advert so you are the reason we might have body issues in the first place. Ads spent decades hiring models to be next to their products distorting our expectations of what humans look like and then they want praise for not doing it once.

I’ll admit I am biased because I don’t like Dove soap.

In general I love a good soap but I feel like Dove shouldn’t be classified as a soap. Technically it’s probably a cheese.

This week saw more patronising behaviour in the news from a campaign in Spain that told us we are all beach ready.

Well, it told women their bodies are beach ready, no one seems to care about how men feel but I don’t think we’re ready for that conversation for the next 100 years.

In the campaign poster they had pictures of a plus sized model, a topless woman who had had a mastectomy and someone with hairy armpits.

As I say, no men but also no thin people, so it doesn’t feel the most inclusive.

These campaigns annoy me because they’re missing the point. We don’t need to be told, “Hey, it’s OK, we think you’re body is perfectly acceptable”, writes Steve N Allen.

The trouble then started when a plus sized model in the photo told the press they had used their picture from social media without her permission.

After decades of adverts hiring skinny models they use a fuller figured lady in the campaign and don’t even pay her. Hardly seems like equality.

Then another of the models went to the press about her photo. She was the one with the unshaven armpits but in the original photo she had her prosthetic leg on show but the artist Photoshopped that to a flesh leg. So, everyone is beach ready apart from men, thin women and those with artificial limbs.

These campaigns annoy me because they’re missing the point. We don’t need to be told, “Hey, it’s OK, we think you’re body is perfectly acceptable.”

We should realise that it doesn’t matter what they think. We don’t need the approval of others.

It took me a while to work that out but I am at an age now where I realise it doesn’t matter if people think I look a certain way or not.

The only reason I don’t go to the beach is that I am not beach ready. That’s not about looks, it’s about my ginger hair. I don’t want to turn into a Frazzle.

For the next two weeks I'm hosting Ministry of Offence, 8pm Saturday, GB News.