Steve N Allen Column: Parliament is acting like a bunch of awkward teenagers

Each week I’m tempted to write about the latest scandal that’s occurred in the heart of politics. If we have to live in times when our leaders get up to questionable acts, we might as well enjoy it.

By Steve N Allen
Friday, 6th May 2022, 5:00 pm

It’s hard to write about the latest one as it’s a little rude.

MP Neil Parish spent some of his time while being paid by the tax payer having a little look at some adult material on his smartphone.

If the Mail on Sunday is to be believed, you don’t have to use your smartphone to see such sights, just get the right angle while Angela Rayner is debating with Boris Johnson.

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Steve N Allen, the Notts-raised comedian and writer.

If that is how Neil likes to spend his time, I am shocked he hasn’t been advocating more working from home.

The recent scandals have included sneaking suitcases full of alcohol into Downing Street, going to parties when you shouldn’t and now looking at rude things online.

Is this parliament or a bunch of awkward teenagers?

Neil Parish has now resigned, presumably to spend more time with his family or at least their router, but it is his excuse that upsets me.

Neil said the first time he watched rude things in parliament was an accident when he was trying to look at pictures of tractors.

How badly do you have to misspell the word tractor in Google so that the results are explicit?

I feel sorry for the tractors. They are items of essential machinery but now they’re getting the reputation as a gateway into the dark side of the internet.

If you can’t tell the difference between a tractor and an adult performer, you have serious problems.

You’re only likely to get stuck behind one on a country lane. Although, regardless of your fantasy in real life you couldn’t pull either.

It feels like it’s one step away from Neil claiming he was searching a garden hoe. At least that would be more believable.

Or maybe he was Googling for “earth moving equipment” and it all went wrong.

Even if his claim is true I still don’t want elected representatives sitting there ogling farm equipment when they should be working.

Is it too much to expect the members of parliament to actually focus on what they’re paid to do, rather than play with their smartphones on their way to the subsidised bars?

We shouldn’t be too angry with Neil. While he was sitting there searching for Miss Plough of the Month, at least he wasn’t passing laws to ban protests or handing out PPE contracts to friends.

See Steve N Allen on the topical comedy show Ministry of Offence, Saturdays 8pm, GB News

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