Resist the lure of the panic buy urges Stutton comedy star

Last week some shops asked people not to panic buy.

That was probably the worst thing they could do.

As soon as you hear that you think ‘does that mean other people are panic buying – I don’t want to be left behind, I’d better pop to the shops for a quick panic buy’.

The cynical part of me wonders if some shops are hoping for a little run on some products to boost their sales figures.

If they’re struggling to shift a certain item, issue a press release asking people to not panic buy it all, and they’ll sell more.

It’s the only reason I have so many tins of sardines in – I don’t even like sardines.

I thought we learned from last time when the original lockdown came in and a lot of us bought more than we needed.

The most highly sought-after product in March was the humble loo roll.

We all saw the news reports of some corner shops charging exorbitant prices for a roll.

With the price of toilet roll going up and the pound going down, put it this way, it’s a good job they got rid of the one-pound note.

I didn’t think I was a panic buyer but even I felt the urge to pick up some spares if I was near the shops.

You don’t need too many details here but I haven’t had to buy any more toilet rolls since then.

Given that we have so recently been through a panic buying pandemic I expected better from us.

The fact that we still have items from the first surge tells us we don’t need to do it.

We saw images of people working long shifts for the NHS, saving people’s lives, going to the shops on the way home and not being able to buy the bare essentials.

No-one wants to see that again and we can surely remember that we don’t have to be selfish in the shops.

It doesn’t stop some. I saw a picture of a woman leaving a supermarket with bags of pasta and around 128 rolls.

That to me looks like the picture of someone who doesn’t know they’re gluten intolerant.

If I can’t say not to panic buy without causing it, and I can’t tell you to panic buy, all I can say is this: I have loads of loo roll left if you need to buy some.

Steve N Allen is a comedian and broadcaster who was raised in Sutton-in-Ashfield.