Lockdown has been just great for Jeff, says Sutton funnyman

Sick of hearing about V-shaped recessions or U-shaped recessions, or a W-shaped one if there’s a second wave of infection?

Maybe this will cheer you up.

There is news of someone doing well out of the pandemic.

It’s Jeff Bezos, the man behind the Amazon website and he’s the richest man in the world.

It’s actually an impressive achievement to be the richest man in the world when you remember that he has been through a divorce.

He could easily have ended up with the title of ‘ex-husband to the richest woman in the world’.

In the space of one day recently Jeff got more than £10 billion richer, which should keep him going for a while.

He’s a long way off not knowing where the next meal is coming from.

And anyway, I’m sure he has Amazon Prime, so he could get one delivered within a day.

The reason he is richer is thanks to us.

During the pandemic we have been staying away from shops and buying things online and I can understand why.

If you shop online you don’t have to stand in a queue and you don’t have to wear a mask.

Heck, you don’t have to wear trousers.

Many experts have been saying that this way of shopping will hit our economy.

People have talked about the benefits of working from home for years.

It saves on travel so it’s better for the environment and you don’t have to wear anything on the lower half so it’s better for naturists too.

You don’t buy things from shops on your way into work so it’s also better for your bank balance.

It seems that having to pop into a shop for a lunch that you don’t really fancy at a price you don’t want to pay was the only thing keeping our economy going.

That money that has gone from our economy must have gone somewhere.

And now we know – it all went to Jeff Bezos.

Mr Bezos is now estimated to be worth £148 billion, which means his worth is only £11 billion less than the GDP of Greece.

To be fair, Greece isn’t that well off.

Have you seen their tourist attractions? They’re in ruins.

They should think about getting some new ones, I mean, they’re richer than Jeff Bezos, for crying out loud.

I’m sure the news that Jeff Bezos is now even richer will make us all feel happier as we worry about our jobs.

What a world.

Steve N Allen is a comedian and broadcaster who was raised in Sutton-in-Ashfield. He stars in The Mash Report on BBC2.