Even lockdown can't stop people trying to cook themselves in the sun

Who would have thought the British weather would be problematically good?
Some just couldn't resist trying to catch some rays in parks over Easter.Some just couldn't resist trying to catch some rays in parks over Easter.
Some just couldn't resist trying to catch some rays in parks over Easter.

Normally we work all week, the weekend arrives and the weather mocks us by chucking it down like a Noah prequel.

While we’re all meant to be staying in the sun has been taking the chance to shine and really rub it in.

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The Easter weekend was always going to be a hard time to keep people inside.

Steve N AllenSteve N Allen
Steve N Allen

We know that there are eggs hidden out there by the Easter Bunny somewhere but we can’t go to find them.

Government messages told us to stay in but what could they really say?

Normally if someone wants to appeal to your better nature they’d say, ‘what would Jesus do?’

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This is Easter we’re talking about, so the answer to that question would be, ‘go away till Monday’, which wasn’t the kind of message we should be giving.

It’s the sunbathers I have a problem with.

Even if we weren’t under a lockdown I would rant about people sunbathing in public spaces.

I don’t want to see the pasty white bodies strewn everywhere.

At first glance it looks like Casper’s friends and family have been massacred.

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Going without sunbathing for the sake of everyone else’s health isn’t that much of a sacrifice.

I don’t know why people care about being bronzed, no-one’s going to see it, we’re in a lockdown.

If you want to lie down and sweat for hours just leave the heating on.

I thought that 2020 would the year when people said to themselves, ‘I won’t irradiate the elastin in my skin this summer, I’ll slow down my race towards looking like a handbag in lost property while I have the chance’.

But no, some people went out there and baked.

At least they were easy to recognise.

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The people who rushed out to break the rules and catch some rays had tell-tail sunburnt shoulders.

I was tempted to give them a little slap on the arm as I said hello but, at two metres away, I kept missing.

If the actions of the selfish tanned people mean we see our right to daily exercise get taken away I will be furious.

I haven’t been going out exercising daily, I have stayed in eating my way into the record books, but it has felt like my choice.

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If I can’t go out for a run even if I wanted to, it won’t feel like I’m being a rebel any more.

They’re ruining this lockdown for me.

Steve N Allen is a comedian and broadcaster who was raised in Sutton-in-Ashfield. He stars in The Mash Report on BBC2.

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