Don't worry about tier three Nottinghamshire - everyone else will soon be joining us

After all, experts are predicting that all of England could be in this tier by Christmas.

There’s no point having three levels if we’re all in the same one.

It’s like having quarter and semi-finals of the Readers’ Digest Prize Draw.

We’re all in the final, save yourself the paper.

I worry that things could get worse.

Tier three is currently the strictest but could we be forced to live like Wales?

The Welsh nation is currently trying a circuit breaker lockdown, which for some reason they’re calling a firebreak.

I don’t know if they held a focus group and ascertained that firebreak sounds sexier than the thing that bothers you when you’re trying to mow the lawn, but it doesn’t matter, it’s the same thing.

It would make more sense if Wales was an island because if this firebreak works, as soon as it’s lifted, we English can have day trips to Wales again and cough all over the place.

One interesting detail is that shops in Wales have cordoned off the non-essential aisles in the supermarkets.

You could only buy food and drink, but if you wanted to buy some plates to eat that food off, you were out of luck.

Also prohibited were the sales of clothing from supermarkets.

I am not sure how living without new undies for the 17-day period would help but I’m not an expert in public health.

How can they call clothing non-essential, and yet when I try to go out while not wearing any, I get asked to leave that bus.

If you have left the house to go into a shop, you have created a certain level of risk.

What difference does it make what you buy when you’re in the shop?

In fact handling pots and pans is less risky than checking to see if an avocado is ripe.

We can easily wash cookware before we use it but you can’t run fruit and veg through the dishwasher, it doesn’t come out well, trust me.

They’d better not try that here.

We all know the love I have for the massive Asda near my old primary school.

If they stopped me looking at the TVs I’ll never be able to afford, or the cheap smartphones I always think about buying if my track and trace app dobs me in, I’d be outraged.

I’d do what all people who write to newspapers do and I would craft a strongly-worded letter.

The only problem is they’d have the stationery aisle lockdown down.

Outwitted again.

Steve N Allen is a comedian and broadcaster who was raised in Sutton-in-Ashfield.