Column: In a national disaster I’d just be sat there looking for a YouTube explainer on what to do next

It’s a 20-page booklet that outlines a range of safety measures people should take in event of both military and natural disasters. It’s good to be prepared.

The French Government has denied that the three-part booklet is being produced because of the threat from Russia. OK, who is it you’re worried about then?

Are there any other countries that are doing a lot of invading of late?

If you were being mean, you might point out that it’s no surprise France’s response to military invasion is printed on some very useful white paper, but I’m not going down that angle. Let’s see what we can learn from the French advice.

The information says that, in the event of a nuclear disaster, you should lock your doors. I think they have underestimated how small neutrons are. Simply locking the doors and closing the curtains won’t keep the radiation out. Maybe it’s for a different reason.

When you’re in the middle of dealing with nuclear fallout, you don’t want neighbours popping round.

It also suggests putting together a survival kit that should include six litres of water, a dozen tins of food, batteries and a torch. This being France it will also include bread, beef stock and red wine.

We all already have more tinned food than we will even need thanks to the pandemic. I can’t be the only one who ran out, bought all the cans of anything I could find, only to realise that Just Eat was still working and I made my way through the lockdown with takeaways. Given a choice between opening a tin of pale new potatoes or having a pizza, I always went the same way.

A spokesman from the French Prime Minister said: “The purpose of this document is to ensure the resilience of populations in the face of all types of crisis, whether natural, technological, cyber or security-related.”

It’s a wake-up call that cyber has to be included in that list these days. We’re so reliant on computers and people like Elon are releasing AI into the world so we have to have a first aid kit ready, just in case.

I wish the UK would do one too. I know what I am like. In the event of a national disaster I’d be sat there, Googling for a YouTube explainer on what to do next. And they’ll all be in French.