Column: For once here's some stupid research that actually seems to ring true

A survey this week said Geordie women were the most likely to be drunk and disorderly. Somehow I knew that to be the case.

The same is true for another piece of research. Wetherspoons is the worst place for a first date. Yes, that all seems to check out.

Researchers actually looked into this. It’s a cliché to fake outrage and say, “They have time to look into this but there’s still no cure for the common cold,“ but I don’t think it’s the same scientists working on both projects.

This kind of research is funded by a company to try to flog their service. It was a dating app that paid for this.

The figures show 46 per cent of first dates held in a Wetherspoons were considered a flop.

Some might say that’s surprisingly low. A first day needs to show some signs of effort.

Don’t get me wrong, I am for setting the bar low at the start of a relationship. You don’t want to try too hard in the first few dates because then you will have pressure to maintain it. But you also have to have some space to relax into as you get more comfortable together.

As crude as it may seem, it’s like breaking wind. You don’t do that in front of each other at the start of a relationship but at some point that boundary gets crossed. You wouldn’t start your first date doing that, like your own trumpet announcing your arrival.

In case you’re interested, the second worst places for a first date were McDonald’s and Burger King. That seems more age-related. If you’re a teenager who finally plucked up enough courage to ask someone out, a milkshake in a burger joint is OK. If you’re a professional in your thirties it sends the message that this is not serious.

Museums were next on the list. I think that depends on the museum. The Cumberland Pencil Museum in Keswick might be quirky fun but the Dog Collar Museum is only entertaining because it’s in Leeds and that’s kind of a pun.

If you’re struggling for a venue for that first awkward date I’d recommend a stand-up comedy gig. It’s fun, you’ll have a good time and you don’t have to talk too much. See my website for where I’m performing.

See, it’s not just the people who paid for some stupid research that can use it to sell things.