Job alert: The Queen is looking for a new butler

I know this isn’t the section of the paper that features job ads but I have spotted one I want to bring to your attention, writes Steve N Allen.

The Queen is looking for a trainee butler to work at Buckingham Palace.

Steve N Allen

Steve N Allen

If you’re looking for a career change this could be for you.

Yes, you will have to run around after your boss doing whatever they say but that’s true of all jobs.

At least with the one you could find out who plays you in The Crown in a few years.

Trainee positions can be difficult.

You often have some stalwart of the industry sending you on pointless errands as a prank.

You may have been sent for a glass hammer but in the royal household they probably have a cut glass hammer as part of some ornamental gift.

If you’re sent for a ‘long weight’, it sounds like a wind up but they have ladies in waiting, so it’s probably something to pass on to their department.

The salary is £19,935 and it includes accommodation.

That’s very interesting.

Once a year some think tank will produce a study looking at how much a stay-at-home spouse is worth.

Maybe that figure should be capped at £19,935 because we know the market has now set that price.

I’m shocked that butlers earn such a small amount.

There must be other perks.

I suppose you can take a side-on selfie with the Queen and make your own stamps.

That might sound dodgy but you might feel less icky about doing that than going down the Paul Burrell route.

Either way it sounds like a fun job.

And if you get to travel in the back of a car that Prince Phillip is driving you’d probably get danger money too.