Is time travel now the only way to sort out Brexit?

Steve N Allen
Steve N Allen

I’m back on the TV at the moment as BBC 2 is repeating the last series of The Mash Report.

Being in a repeat is great because you’re still getting on the telly but you don’t have to be on a diet.

I was worried because it is a topical comedy show and the jokes could seem dated.

Thankfully, jokes about Brexit being a mess get more relevant with time, like a fine wine of political strife.

Brexit is now such a mess even Marie Kondo would look at it and run away.

The problem is, the referendum told us 52 per cent of the UK wants to leave but didn’t give us enough detail on the nature of that leaving.

So could science save us?

I ask because scientists in Russia have invented a time machine.

Sadly, it isn’t as impressive as we’d hope.

The actual stories are never as good as headlines make out.

We often see headlines saying, ‘chocolate is good for you’ but it’s always that bitter dark stuff.

These scientists made time go backwards for some electrons.

However, surely it’s only a small jump from electrons to electorate so could we use this time machine to go back and get the referendum right?

Just saying leave is too vague.

If you say you want to leave your spouse do you mean still see the kids, stay friends and leave the door open to getting back together?

Or do you mean never see each other unless you get a Jeremy Kyle Show invite?

But if we go back in time to 2016, I’d have to go back on the diet for The Mash Report pilot.

Nah, not worth it.

n I think I have found a problem with eco-friendly cars – it’s the people in them.

You may have met one. They’re the ones who get round to telling you the miles per gallon of their hybrid and the length of the extension cable.

Yes, they can be tiresome but we always thought they were doing their bit to save the planet.

Then I spotted a news story that I think shows what they are really like.

Tesla owners have formed a protest group to complain about Elon Musk slashing the price of some new Tesla cars.

Now surely cheaper eco-cars would mean more people buy them and less carbon gets pumped out, which is what eco-drivers want, right?

The only conclusion I can draw is that the Tesla drivers don’t want other people to have the same bragging rights.

They want a car that doesn’t cost the earth, but more than the average annual salary or no-one will think they’re special.

In some countries the price of high-end Model S and Model X cars were slashed by more than $30,000 overnight.

I can see how that is upsetting if you just paid full price, but think of the dolphins or polar bears you’re saving.

But maybe Elon is being a genius again.

This moves means if you want to show off about how much you can afford you will have to have an older number plate on your car.

So people won’t scrap their old cars just to buy the latest, which in turn produces less waste.